Answer:
Ok here we go, don't say things like "I think, believe," you want to sound confident and not doubtful of yourself, confidence looks good in person and in writing. I suggest you run this document through Grammarly because there is many places where commas are lacking or excessive. In some areas, semi colons or colons would be better just to transmit more emotion or confidence.
In your conclusion, I found that the final sentence doesn't really end it, it left me unsatisfied.
I noticed that specifically, in the second and third paragraph some sections felt hard to read as in it needs rephrasing.
Don't make things sound little, I'll point it out "we are sufficiently caring to surrender a couple of hours," when you say a couple you reduce the impact of the statement you make it seem small or unimportant.
Explanation: